Entry tags:

movie suckoffs

WINNER: Death Bed: The Bed That Eats
I gotta say, eveshka, you chose wisely.

solarbird brought this home for me today since whoever had had it last returned it to Scarecrow. She and I just got done watching it. And this pithy quote of Dara's sums up the entire experience: "It makes Manos seem vibrant and coherent."

It really does. I am in awe of the fact that there exists a film that can make Manos: The Hands of Fate look good. I weep to think of the horror this would have inflicted on poor Joel and the Bots, even as I find myself wondering if the Cinematic Titanic people are aware of this thing. 'Cause DAMN.

Other bonus features of this thing:

• Its very own intro from the writer/director.
  
• AIGH CREEPY DEMON EYES on the DVD menu.
  
• Dividing of the film into three acts helpfully labeled Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.
  
• The bed oozing yellow foam as it ate things. And people! It's an Evil Bed AND an Evil Yellow Bubble Bath!
  
• Movie: "Something's wrong! I must have made a mistake!" Me: "Yeah pal, you and everyone else involved with this movie."
  
• Movie: "I wonder where this house is supposed to be". Dara: "I wonder where this plot is supposed to be!"
  
• Stabbing of Evil Bed = Eating of hapless stabber guy's hands down to the bone. I'm still not sure if he survived the movie. I'm only half sure I survived the movie.

So yeah. This thing wins the March 2009 Suckoff, hands down. Well played, eveshka. Well played.